When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
