do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
