Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
