He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
