i think my tv is drunk
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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