It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
