Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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