smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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