Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
