Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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