The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
