sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
