so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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