If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
