Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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