my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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