I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
