Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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