New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
