someone threw a dead crab at me
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
