I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
