is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
this is an emotional support booty call
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
