I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
wanna go halves on a baby?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
