I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
