I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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