i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
