So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
