i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
