I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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