You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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