So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
