The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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