Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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