What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
well you can't waste a boner
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
try to milk me bitch
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