Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
