I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize