At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
