you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
