hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
