forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
