I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
