I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
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