I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
