Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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