Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
i need some magic done to my vagina
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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