I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
barbara walters just said penis...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
NoShamevember. You game?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
