i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
