My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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