somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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