He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
