Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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