I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The beer is more important than you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize