Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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