It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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