hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
