just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
