Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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