I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
