I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize