Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
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So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
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I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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