No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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