He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
