Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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