but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
