you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Verdict: uncircumcised.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
