Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
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i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
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Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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