Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
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We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
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I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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