Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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