If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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